There are many things we tell ourselves that are simply not true, yet we cling to them, we hold on stubbornly because we want them to be true. We force ourselves to see things that are not there, because we need them to be there, and without them we feel lost. Our illusions serve us for a little while, they help us cope with things we do not whish to face head on, it almost softens the blow of reality, but eventually our created illusions and delusions have to shatter. If you don't let them go they will consume you, they will keep you from the truth and they will trap you...and boy have I been its prisoner for a long time.
I don't know who Dr Steve Maraboli is, if he even is a real doctor, or a snake oil salesman, but his words inspired me today. I think we all can relate with his words because we are all human, and I almost want to bet that we have all been hurt by others at one time or another. I hear you Dr Maraboli...but I want to throw a spanner in the works, or whatever that saying is. What if it is not others who hurt us, but our expectations and delusions of them that end up causing us pain.
I don't know if I have ever been in love with a real person. I just pick someone and then I project every quality I desire on them. I convince myself that they are everything I ever wanted, that they tick every box and wait for it...I am sure they will complete me. Now if they don't act in the exact way that is expected of them, I get slightly upset, but never mind, I'll give them another chance, because I know who they really are. My delusions are so strong that I have convinced myself that what I am actually doing is to only see the good in people, my idea of good, and I would because I put it there. So every time someone doesn't act in the way I want them to act I get hurt, turning me into some lovesick martyr for my own bullshit. "You say you love me, why don't you do everything exactly like I expect you to...you are hurting my feelings." Man I can be a brat.
I have been aware of this idiosyncrasy of mine for awhile, but I know I am not alone in this, a lot of people like to fall in love with their own fantasies, and then we get incredibly upset when fantasy and reality doesn't meet, and then we suffer and write rubbish angst ridden poetry. A part of me is starting to think that secretly I like to suffer, or maybe I just really like writing rubbish angst ridden poetry, I cannot be sure.
I have even written a really crappy book about it called "The Unreachable Billy Blignaut"...no it wasn't published it was way to crap for that but it did help me get rid of some of my teenage emotions. The book is about a girl who has an imaginary friend called Billy Blignaut, he is the perfect man, he is sensitive, but still manly, he is handsome...feel free to fill in the gaps with your own fantasies here. Billy Blignaut is perfect. Billy helped...I can't remember the girls name, but I might as well say me, Billy helped me through a lot of tough situations, because no matter how bad things got there was always Billy, with his words of encouragement and understanding...but Billy's presence also prevented any real human connection, because lets face it no one could compare, or compete with him...bla bla bla things happen...bla bla bla drama drama...bla bla bla the moral of the story is that Billy Blignaut had all the qualities she believed she lacked in herself, when she was weak Billy was strong, and she finally had to accept that Billy was not someone she had to find in the world outside, but that she in fact was Billy Blignaut and that she had been complete all along...Yeah I know I have always been a weird kid.
Ok I think I got a little distracted there, back to illusions and Dr Maraboli's quote. There is one thing I don't agree with in this statement "You are not worth it". Now don't be mean Dr Maraboli. Lets not be bitter if people don't live up to our fantasies, they never said they would in the first place. We cannot determine another persons worth, we are all worthy. Some might hurt you and in return you might hurt others, but we are still all worthy. We are all in the process of learning, and if someone hurts you, or you don't like the stage of progress they are currently at, leave, but don't call them unworthy.
Yes we are hurt when our delusions are replaced with reality, this applies to any relationship, friends, lovers, and even yourself. The hardest Illusions to shatter are the ones about yourself. It is absolutely ok to cry about it as well, but first investigate was it really the person who hurt you or your expectations. Billy Blignaut is a legend, off course we want to look for him, of course we want to find him, but all those qualities that you look for is already inside yourself. You are already complete, so allow others the space to be themselves, who they really are without you projecting things onto them, without your illusions, delusions and expectations. Let's give each other a chance. We might be pleasantly surprised. We just need to have a little bit of faith.
No comments:
Post a Comment