DAY 21: The Honest Liars

 

“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” 
― Carlos Castaneda

Playing around on the internet really is like going down the Rabbit hole in Alice in wonderland. You start off looking for sugar free chocolate mousse recipes and end up on Ted Talks watching videos about self-deception.
This is a theme very close to my heart - self deception I mean, not our use of the internet. I fear self-deception and I know I am guilty of it, but my awareness of it has caused me to never really trust myself and this is a terrible state to be in. Not only do I struggle to trust others I also don't have that much confidence in my own thoughts. This often leaves me in a state of limbo, hoping that others will decide the outcome of events for me, because most of the time I have no idea what the right thing to do is, and I am terrified I will make the wrong decision. There are so many taught behaviours, so many things that you are supposed to be, supposed to feel, supposed to do, that I think I have silenced my true desires. We all have different ways of lying to ourselves, and I think I have lied to myself so much, about so many things to prevent the hurt that the truth hides that I have lost my true identity.

Here is the link to the video if you are interested. It is worth the watch The Honest Liars- Self Deception

We don't intentionally lie to ourselves. It is just another misguided form of self-preservation that can actually end up causing more harm than good. It creates a maze of deception and we refuse to acknowledge that we are trapped. Self-deception keeps us stuck, it stunts our growth and it leaves us a little empty. To be free from our emotional bondages we need to decipher and name the lies we tell ourselves, but this is no easy task. Add to that our natural tendency for denial, and you realise just how tough it is to overcome. Even if the truth slaps us in the face, we can find a way to dismiss it and pretend like it never happened. We believe what we want to believe.

The last couple of months I have heard so much about the ego, and how you are supposed to overcome it. I don't really know why, but it is everywhere. I never realised just how big a problem this 3 letter word can be, and how much I am controlled by it. I honestly had no idea, I thought it was a male problem, but no, no it is not. Turns out the ego is that part of you that measures itself against the outside world, and therefore it needs validation from others to feel all special and loved. It seeks acceptance, recognition and praise, it is basically that part that convinces you, you are the worlds most special little snowflake. The ego is also the part that likes to lie to you. It doesn't want you to be hurt, it doesn't want you to be uncomfortable and it definitely does not want you to believe that you are capable of making mistakes. Terrible thing really. It wants to keep you in one place, because it is not as scary as the unknown.

There is also something called a narcissistic wound, and I mention this because this is a perfect wound to ignite your ego into a frenzy of misguided self-preservation. A narcissistic wound is created in childhood, because  some-one made you feel like you had to perform to be worthy of affection, and then you start to believe that you have to be damn near perfect in order to be loved. How screwed up is that. It is exhausting and impossible to keep up, and it makes you a push over and a floor mat, because no matter what someone does to you, you allow it, because hey you are not perfect, so how can anyone love you. I sometimes think it is a wonder that any of us made it past puberty.

There are so many ways to lie to yourself, so many ways to hide. Identify your lies, defeat your ego and find yourself, and you know what you don't have to be perfect, because no one is, especially not the people who made you feel like you had to be perfect in the first place.

Identify your self-lies and defeat your ego.