I've got 99 problems, but 95 of those are made up scenarios that exist only in my head.
How many of us have those little voices, the voices that whisper, the voices that drive you up the wall, the voices that make you doubt everything even your own reality....if the answer is no that is just you girl than I probably do need help.
These little whispers turn even the most mundane of days into a fully fledged stage production...now lets investigate how they operate. It always starts with something silly. You might send someone a message, a joke maybe, then you will see that the person has read the message, but you have yet to receive a reply, and no reply comes. Those two little blue ticks confirming "Yes, they have read your message....look" are mocking you. Instead of just thinking hey maybe they are just busy, you allow the voices to take over. "What have you done now?", " They are mad at you", "They hate you"...and then there is a part of you that goes: "No Surely not" Then you try to shut out the voices, you will prove them wrong. "I will just send another message to test the waters." Something like a "heeeyy...what is up?" and again the two blue ticks appear...and the mocking continues, there is no reply. "Was my joke really that bad?" "Did I offend them in some way?" and then the voices take over and you spiral out of control, you are going to crash head first into the dark world of irrationality. So you start sending message after message...you have created an entire back story as to what is going on, one in where you screwed up somehow. "Why are they ignoring me?" You convince yourself this person is incredibly rude, and you start getting angry. "Well if you are mad at me why don't you just say so." Then somewhere in the middle of all this paranoid delusion, you have a moment of sanity " O shit I am acting like a crazy person and you try to fix your crazy with more crazy. You flood their inbox trying to explain yourself, you try to be all jokey but it is too late, you are having an entire conversation with yourself at the expense of some-one else's phone memory...things get waaaay out of hand. The jokeynes takes on a more sinister tone, and everything you are doing reveals that maybe you don't have all your ducks in a row at the moment, you pretty much reveal you are losing your shit. "Why wont you talk to me?" "Why wont you loooove me?" '"Answer me dammit....Answer me.." And then the reply comes. "I am sorry. I was in a meeting. I couldn't reply....Are you alright?" Now irrationality changes into embarrassment, but you are slightly relieved that they don't hate you. It was a roller-coaster ride of emotion for you, you wasted so much time and energy, and now the person in question probably does think there is something wrong with you, and this makes you feel more insecure giving the voices more ammunition. Everything only happened in your head, and you had to go and make it real. The voices cheering you on to destroy yourself, confirming all your insecurities every step of the way.
Perhaps I should just throw my phone away and go live in the bush. There will be no little blue ticks to mock me there...those horrible little blue ticks of insanity.
Screw those little voices...screw them all. I think the blue ticks and the voices are conspiring against us...but I may be wrong.
I need to work on my paranoia.
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