DAY 5: So just how crazy am I?

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with men about some crazy girl you didn't really know? It is never quite clear why the girl being discussed is crazy, normally it has something to do with her being needy, rarely is it because she boiled someone's bunny.  Sometimes the evidence for her craziness is simply that she lost her cool when someone said something offensive to her for the fifth time, they off course never mention that someone said something offensive. Or she is crazy because she got offended that someone didn't respond to a text message in a timely matter...Somebody lock the bitch up.

I have been in these conversations and I was always sort of relieved that I was not the girl in question. How could she be so desperate? Did she have no self-respect?... I would think to myself. Yes, I was guilty of some girl-on-girl discrimination, and I am not proud. I felt that I had somehow made it into the boys club, that  I was part of their inner circle, and that I had my shit together...obviously, but I was wrong, terribly wrong, it turns out my shit was not as together as I had hoped and wait for it..I am in fact a girl, and no ordinary girl folks, o no I am the Queen of Crazy,  and I have been hiding in plain sight all along.
Now it may be my paranoia, but I also have this sneaky suspicion that at the moment I might be the crazy girl in the discussions, I always knew they were out to get me, it was simply a matter of time.

At first I wanted to fight the label and the title but now I am inclined to yell: "Guilty!" as I wear my tiara, and my purple feather boa dances in the wind. Frankly trying to be "normal" or you know "not crazy" is exhausting. So I have decided to give in to my more eccentric whims, because you know what you gain from always trying to be level headed and in control all the time, let me spell it out for you... N.O.T.H.I.N.G,  no matter what you do eventually someone will think you are crazy. You could have travelled the world, started a hundred charities, dined with Kings, climbed mountains and swam across ravines, but if one emotion seems out of place...the woman be trippin. (I have not done any of those things by the way, I have travelled the world a little, but I don't even know what a ravine is, let alone if you can swim across one. I don't even know why I chose the word ravine) It is like they are waiting in the wings for you to act...you know like a human being, and then they can say "I always knew she was crazy", or at least that is what all the voices are telling me.

I want to find my tribe, those who want to wear cowboy boots with corsets, those who want to drink wine and howl at the moon, simply because it seems like as good a thing to do as any when it comes to the moon. Those who want to be a million things, and who know life is more than a set of rules.  Those who have a lust for adventure, who are not scared to wear their scars and their heartaches where everyone is free to see them, those who can laugh at the world and at themselves until they can almost no longer breathe, because life is just that funny and it is pointless to take anything too seriously. Those who know that being a little crazy sometimes is a splendid thing.

There are so many quizzes on the web that will help you test your sanity: "Am I Crazy?", "He says I am crazy am I?", "Just how crazy am I?" This makes me think a lot of us are suffering silently, and many secretly feel they are losing their minds, and do you know what I say to all of this....Screw It, and I am your Queen so you have to listen to me. If you really think about it, it is mostly other people who are making us feel like shit, it is how others respond to us that make us question our sanity, and enough of that now. Lets take our power back and not allow anyone else to influence how we feel about ourselves. Lets get rid of those who make us doubt ourselves. (and for those of you who dabble in the darker side of crazy I do not mean lets kill them, I simply mean avoid them for awhile)

In my brief investigation about my sanity I came across this really funny post entitled "33 Reasons I am not crazy, You're just a d*ck" by Lauren Martin.
http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/im-not-crazy-its-you/875017/

It explores how women are sometimes unfairly labelled as crazy for simply responding to situations, It contains a list of defences against being crazy and apparently they all really happened. Here are some of my favourite examples:

I'm not obsessed, I just thought I'd call when you said you were supposed to pick me up and never showed up.

I’m not dramatic, I just had a family member die and you ignored my calls.

I'm not overly-emotional, you were just being a douchebag and I'm responding to that.

I'm not a prude, I just don't want to have sex in this coat closet in my great aunt's hallway.

So there you go...in those moments that you feel like you are losing your head, just look around, maybe someone is just being a d*ck.

O and by the way I am starting to feel so much better. I am over the worst of it I think. 5 down 35 to go.