The only thing I keep thinking is: “Man I want a
cigarette”. I have been smoking for so
many years that I almost don’t know who I am without it. My head hurts a little
but nothing too serious and the sugar and caffeine are at least easy to ignore,
well easy compared to the cigarettes. So far I have not experienced any
enlightened thoughts, the Universe has not revealed itself to me yet, but I
have a weird suspicion that I may be impatient.
Mostly the day just really feels longer, and somehow greyer than usual. To tell the truth I just want to go home,
crawl into bed and sleep the day away, but unfortunately
I cannot. There is this constant
sensation of something being missing, and for some reason I keep speaking in a
Texan accent, or what I believe to be a Texan accent, since when do I have a
Texan accent? I have to admit it is a pretty good Texan accent. It almost feels like my brain is experiencing
a slight malfunction.
I did have a recurring thought today. It was about The Prophet by Kalil Gibran, or more specifically it was about the part on
love. This book has always been part of
my life, I am not trying to be all spiritual about it, I do mean, physically I
have always had this book. I don’t have
any recollection of buying it, or of someone ever giving it to me, or bringing
it over to our house, it has always been there just waiting for me to read it.
I am sure there is a logical explanation for the books’ appearance in my life,
but honestly I don’t know what it is, and I kinda like thinking it somehow just
magically appeared. The part on Love
keeps repeating in my head over and over again, and I am just going to quote to
you which part in particular:
“And think not you can direct the course of love,
for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.” –Kalil Gibran
There, just that bit and it doesn't want to stop, it is like it is on loop in my mind, and I think I know why because something about that sentence really bugs me. “...for
love if it finds you worthy ...” I realise I am taking this out of the context
that is was intended, but still that bit speaks to me...and not in a good way.
Do whatever you want, try as hard as you may...you better hope love finds you
worthy. It will direct your course but only if it finds you worthy, if you don’t live up to its standard you are on our own, and
how exactly does Love separate the worthy from the unworthy, on what does It
base its judgement, or does it simply flip a coin. “Heads...ok you deserve all
the love and adoration in the world. Tails...ok screw you.” I am a little tired of hoping that love will one day find me worthy...maybe at the
moment I am thinking: “Love you are
kinda being a dick right now. Maybe you should hope I find you worthy”...but
then I immediately take it back because that sounds like the kind of sentence
that could get you into trouble. Love
sure does cause us to lose our heads sometimes, doesn’t it? Maybe its love,
maybe I just want a cigarette.
So I made it through the day
without breaking any of my rules, and I exercised for 2 hours. I joined a martial
arts studio a while ago, it is called Dragon Spirit, I believe if anything is
ever called Dragon Spirit you should
join it immediately. I partake in what they call Tactfit and Pole Arts...yes I
am doing pole dancing. It is a lot of fun, but I am not a gracious swan yet,
but hopefully I will get there.
The only thing I can say about
this day is; “Yeah I made it, and now I am over it.” Hopefully I will be in a
better mood tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment